Positive difference in my life
Louise McMilan, 50, of Weston-super-Mare discusses her experience of receiving a breast cancer diagnosis six years ago while going through a severe depressive episode. She had no idea that it would give her the courage she needed to regain control of her life.
I became aware of my strength and fortitude after putting myself through countless appointments, scans, procedures, chemotherapy, and radiotherapy. I’d battled depression for years before I was finally able to accept who I am.
Cancer completely caught me off guard. Neither did I exhibit typical symptoms, and neither did my family have a history of breast cancer.
I was 44 years old, between jobs, and one morning I noticed something strange. It was April 2017. I saw a damp spot near my left breast on the front of my pyjama top as I struggled out of bed and towards the restroom. I didn’t think twice about it.
Alarm horns
I scheduled an appointment with the GP after noticing it occurred a couple more times during the following few weeks. The moment was important. I had time because I was looking for a job at home.
But things had been very different the year before. I had experienced burnout in the fall of 2016, and as a result, I was dealing with worry and low self-esteem.
I worked in the HR department of a Bristol company that year, going to work every day because I enjoyed what I did, but I didn’t have a good work-life balance and I had been ignoring my mental and physical health. I probably would have disregarded it if these worries regarding my breast discharge had been present at the time. In all honesty, I had little thought about cancer.
Being strong
I didn’t retreat into the shadows like I used to or become anxious in the middle of the night despite what was going on. I persisted in living and working my life. It was as though I was demonstrating to myself that cancer had not taken my life.
I got a haircut the day before finding out the lumpectomy findings. I told my hairstylist, “This is the last time you’re going to cut my hair.” I predicted that I would be informed that I required chemotherapy. I think everything happens for a reason and that cancer was delivered to me for a reason. I used to be stoic but barely get by; I would go to work, appear the part, but I was psychologically ill. I had to face the fact that I didn’t want to pass away when I learned I had cancer. Like a wake-up call, it was. I’ve known for a long time that I needed to alter my lifestyle, but this made me do it.
